Kidney and Beans

I have been considering the options of a regular post specific to new learnings and insights about kidney failure.

So the first step is to think about an apporpriate and not too depressing title to represent this dedicated and delicate condition. Not sure why - but Kidney and Beans feel like the righ title - hey I'm incharge, so who's gonna say otherwise?

The next question is where do I start? What's focus or direction should I take? Do I do the depression-monologue rant about the downs of kidney failure? Do I talk about the stages and symptoms as I progress (degression is a more accurate term but we'll try to stay positive)? What do I do?

I guess if I am thinking about 'helping' others in a similar condition by being open and sharing the pain about kidney failure, perhaps everything and anything on this journey should be appropriate...

We've established my 'condition'. We've also established that there will be no treatment and that the damage is irreversible - so what next? What's in store for me?

This got me thinking about the other 20-somethings in a similar state, what are their thoughts? This is supposed to be our prime - time for dreams before settling into commitments and children and husband(s). Not a failed kidney for god's sake!
(hmmm...I think it's best to keep god out of the picture for now!)

In my case, my journey started almost a year ago. And if I can sum that year up - it would be that I've been in denial all that time. I didn't understand or fully take on board the severity of the issue and now I am starting to go through the motions.

Today I received a booklet in the post about coping with kidney failure. Most of the information in it is not new - I've already read about it someway or another. The only section I have been avoiding is on 'treatment' - dialysis and transplant. Did you know, that you also have a choice of refusing dialysis and that it does not amount to suicide? The light at the end of the tunnel in this treatment choice is a calculated death, although I'm not sure if it's a painless one.

Anyway, going back to this booklet (published by Roche), an interesting aspect was about stories of people with kidney failure - of all age and colour. And what's interesting about that? Just one - as I look at their faces and compare them to me and to all the other people I know, I can't find anything to tell us apart. No sign on our foreheads declaring the silent pain that our little kidneys are going through, no tears and no sadness. Just regular looking people!

I think it'd be a good idea to try to look for stories - stories of kidney failures, the good and the bad, and to share them here, on this site.

So bring it on I say!

Another Chapter - My Two New Friends

This post is for my 2 friends who I've 'grown' with since being here.

I promised them that I wasn't going to post their picture on Facebook - so I'll have to keep my word.

Hence I'm dedicating this post to the two of them - you know who you are :)

The first one - she has made a decision to go home and give up her dream of working out here in the UK. It was a tough decision for her to make, but if I know her well enough, I know that if she decides on wanting to come back here and give it another shot - you can bet that she will do it. And achieve it. For now, I know she's already missing everything about Glasgow. And me...

The second friend - well this friend... she's finally found a job. So this is a simple congratulations and welcome back to the real world... i.e. bills and repayments. I believe this is a sanity thing more than anything else for her so I am happy that this job has finally come through.

To my dear friends,

A chapter has now closed, the next steps will perhaps be fun and uncertain for the 3 of us. Who knows where next or what next.

But whatever happens, I'll hope that we will have another chance of having herbal tea and chocolate cake, happy... just... happy. I'll miss you guys - although this is a chapter closing - I'm glad to have had the chance to have had this chapter to my life.

No photos of us at Bar One on George Street, Edinburgh last night. But here's the herbal tea...

Edinburgh Military Tattoo 2008

Finally! Finally made it to the Military Tattoo that thousands others from around the globe flock to Edinburgh every year to watch.

So I have to thank my kind colleagues who managed to get cheap tickets off eBay (it's always a sell out event) and the 5 of us went.

And thankfully - no rain!

Boy am I proud of having done this - one down on the cultural 'been there' box. Here are a few pictures from the show - it was great!

The only things closest to home was the performance by the Singapore Police - white uniform, formation was ok...not great, but still not bad. But more importantly, they brought the lion dance to the Tattoo - wohoo!

The best show? Definately the Norway Royal Army. One word to describe them - yum!

All tall and just so... oh... good! Even the formations and foot work - not to mention that they were all 6 feet tall (need I say more?).

Then there was the firework from the castle. What a night.

There is news that they (the organisers) want to move the venue to Glasgow on the basis that the set takes 6 months to build. If thats the case - definate made history yesterday, could be the last of the Militaary Tattoo on the castle grounds.

Pictures...

The Next Step

So many choices & opportunities have presented themselves to me. Not all of them a winner at first glance, but nonetheless still a choice.
Going back to last week's reading of my horoscope, by now I should have some idea or decision about what changes in my life I'd like make and set the ball rolling.

On that basis - I think it's time to face truth in the face, and start taking in the difficult information bit by bit. A bit like bitter medicine (I think!)... have to take it cause it's good for you?

TO balance the bad news, I shall treat myself to a few nice things like yoga and the crystal healing.

Let's talk about that a little later.

For now - one nice thing I have is this woderful view from my living room window.

Green open spaces - just like in the movies.

Choice - The First Eclipse

So my horoscope for the week has been bang on with a severe dosage of bad news from the doctor.

So what next?

I've been trying to read up website information - all of which does not shed any glimmer of hope.
I've been doing the recipe search.
I've been attempting to reflect on priorities and weighting out pros & cons.
And I've talked about it to everyone that I care to tell.

Now what?

Give up? Live out my life to the limit? Do all the things I want to do? Remain in the 7 stages of grief like a hamster on a wheel?

Oh so many choices!

Ah hah! CHOICE...

Now that's one word I used to think about alot when times were bad but have not had to think about it in the past few years because I was happy.
What a shame that it is back to stare me in the face again.

Hate to admit it - but I'm going to have to spend sometime thinking about choice.

The doctor says I am at stage 4 - I think I may still have a choice.
What I don't have is time. But still there is choice.

Time to think - and to wait for the next eclipse this 16th August.