Make believes and the boogie man

The physical pain is over now.

It seems like a dream not so long ago.... lying on the bed after they wheel you out, having taken a piece of you.

Then there was all that drama of going back to the hospital in fear of an infection- man! What a bonkers week that was!

But here's also my thank you to the National Health Service (NHS) Scotland - regardless of the occasional bad publicity and long waiting times to get treated - I was to a certain extent, taken care of, regardless of colour, age or sex. But let us not forget that in return, I still gap every month over the size of deductions that come off my tiny pay for health insurance.

It's a little over 3 weeks since the biopsy.

They mark you and you're another stat

There's a tiny little bump from where the 'entry'wound is - and that upsets me simply because 'they' (and I mean the wonderful world of modern medicine as a whole) had taken a part of me. And now I'm another statistic.

I thought I'd write a little about the biopsy - but it wasn't pretty, so maybe another day.

The prognosis is yet to be delivered. In other words, I'm still in my make believe world that nothing is wrong - that everything is going to go back to normal. 'Make believe'... is that another word for denial with a capital 'D'???
hmmmm.....

Any who - tomorrow's another trip to the consultants. Hopefully they can now deliver the truth to me.

As for whether I am ready to deal with it... ready to make sense of it...ready to take on this truth, I'm not sure. Might just never be able to come to terms with it, not to mention the fear.

Fear is a funny thing - there was the fear of the pain from the biopsy. Now it's the fear of the words that will be said tomorrow...

Was much simpler when I was fearful of that illusive boogie man under the bed who was going to come out and catch me if I didn't shut my eyes and go off to sleep. Those were the days.

Those were the days.