I've read about the grief cycle. Makes sense - I first read about experiencing the grief cycle from the organisational change perspective, not the usual 'losing a loved one' scenario.
Today was back at the doctors - and I wonder why I still go.
The in between periods where life goes on as normal and you don't have to worry about blood tests or creatinine levels etc etc is bliss. Then as your appointment date nears, you end up with all sorts of panic and emotional termoil.
So, I've not had to see or think about my condition for almost 3 months now. Until 2 weeks ago when my blood tests came back and it wasn't pretty or encouraging. Hence, I'd gone in to the doctors anticipating a really lousy time. Emotional drain is what it is. And it's been exactly that!
You sit there and have a stranger pretend to be compasionate and supportive about wanting to help you with your condition and you discuss (monologue actually) of options to lead a 'relatively' healthy life. But it's all lies. Where is the 'fed up' section in the grief cycle?
What next? I don't know. It's a fine line between surrendering to 'higher powers' that maybe and giving up what's left. Decisions, decisions, decisions.
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